How to Talk Romance Like a Zoomer: 51 Ultra-Specific Terms for Love, Sex and Questionable Conduct

The current year marks a full decade since the term “vanishing” entered the mainstream. At the time, the notion that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a lover without any notice seemed like the peak of indignity. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more confounding – an frequently unsuccessful exercise in humiliation that is increasingly defined by social media lingo.

Gen Z, a demographic who grew up during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a concerted assault on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their Gen Y predecessors could ever envision. And so their dating glossary has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

Below is a detailed breakdown to the words this generation is using to talk about love, sex and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most viral online sayings, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

The Letter A

Realness – According to gen Z, romance's gold standard is presenting as your true, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend inspired by a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your date's reaction is engaged or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while exuding mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This means choosing someone who aids you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people connect while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do affordable romance in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie excess, it describes couples who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of being guarded: practicing dialogue, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Behavioral habits suggesting a potential partner is bad news. For instance calling their exes crazy, subpar gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits affirm your choice to date a partner. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These typically describe specific, largely harmless idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their purse, paying the rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing fosters closeness faster than having a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A musical group many young men is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately postponing climax so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An archetype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and often mundane dealbreakers that immediately kill any feelings of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an extremely sweet act.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {